Personality Survey - You're An Ass!

I just took a personality survey, and for "Agreeableness" I read the following assessment:

"You think it is vital that people learn to take care of themselves so that they don't become dependent upon others. You believe that actions have consequences, and people need to accept the consequences of their actions if they are to learn from their mistakes and grow. You believe you wouldn't be doing anyone a favor if you lift someone out of trouble; they will never learn to lift themselves up if you keep rescuing them. And if you keep giving people a second, third or fourth chance, you have seen that people seldom develop the character they need to live decent and responsible lives."

It sounds to me like I'm a selfish bastard.

Every Poem

Every song I've written was to you
What I wrote for them was just a ruse
I needed to use something real, so I drew from the well
Of the only love I ever knew.

Every song I've written was to you
Every note, every letter, every tune.
The leatherbounds upon the wall, the old cassettes, I filled them all
With scribbles of a frenzied call to you.

Every song I've written was to you
All my craft is tarnished with your hue
In the corner of my vision, you dictate my direction
possessing every motion of the loom.

Every song I've written was to you
I'll surely bear this burden to my tomb.
Today I had this idea. I'll compose with different media.
One stanza would suffice to cut me loose!

Every song I've written was to you
Turns out, every poem now is too.
But the true tragedy, is if ever there would be
No passion left in me to write anew.

10 Albums I Want My Kid to Hear

Due to a lacking of great music interest in my good old mom and dad, it is only in recent years that great classics have finally reaching my ears. This is an error I am determined to rectify. So I have put together a list of albums my son (or daughter) will be indoctrinated with. They are roughly in chronological order.

1) Yo Yo Ma - Bach Cello Suites
This album was 10 dollars for 35 songs, one of the best investments I have made. It will give you a new appreciation for the cello.
Album Favorite: Prelude from Cello Suite 1 in G Major

2) Andre Watts - The Chopin Recital
If you haven't spent a day listening to nothing but Chopin, you need to.
Album Favorite: Etude in E Major, Opus 10

3) Ennio Morricone - Soundtrack to The Good, The Bad And The Ugly
I had to put a soundtrack on here. I almost put the Motion Picture Soundtrack to Narnia, which is phenomenal all the way through. But the classics take precedence. These songs are familiar to everyone, and there's a very good reason - they're amazing. Everyone has paid tribute to Ennio Morricone, from Celine Dion to Metallica. He is one of the greatest film composers of all time, and would have to be appreciated by my kid.
Album Favorite: L'estasi Dell'oro (The Ecstasy Of Gold)

4) David Bowie - The Best of Bowie
This is the most recent member of my musical hall of fame. Anything from Queen would also do, but Bowie is a lot less controversial. Sure, David Bowie has those scenes in the Labyrinth with his skin-tight-pants-induced bulge, but that's about it. I chose this album because the music of David Bowie retains strong and inventive melodies, while continuing to break free of conventions.
Album Favorite: Space Oddity

5) U2 - Joshua Tree
I know U2 of late has a much different image, but this album is fantastic. Every song is incredible. I doubt I'll the day when "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" comes on the radio and I change the station.
Album Favorite: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

6) Squirrel Nut Zippers - Perennial Favorites
What would this list be without a little bit of Pre-Ska? Great instrumentation and a very unique sound. Call me overly fascinated with horns, which is probably true, but this album is fantastic. For this slot, Cake's Fashion Nugget is also a great album, and failed to make the list solely because it's marked Explicit.
Album Favorite: The Suits are Picking Up The Bill

7) Chris Thile - Not All Who Wander are Lost
This all-instrumental album is a ridiculous example of bluegrass taken to its limits. The melodies are gorgeous and, even more important to musical theory nerds like myself, all span multiple key and time signatures. Club G.R.O.S.S. is a great example of newgrass, while Eureka!'s time signatures are almost impossible to follow.
Album Favorite: Eureka!

8) Arcade Fire - Funeral
Funeral is an amazing and challenging album, and although it's an acquired taste (the vocals are... unique) the compositions are genius. Easily one of my favorite albums of all time.
Album Favorite: Neighborhood #4 (7 Kettles)

9) Sufjan Stevens - Illinoise
Do I need to justify this one? Sufjan Stevens is a song writing god. His lyrics, instrumentation, honesty, and touch of minimalism is a blissful music experience. I've cried more than once, and not because the song was sad.
Album Favorite: The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out To Get Us!

10) John Mayer - Where the Light Is
I never truly appreciated John Mayer until I heard this album. He steals the spirit of Stevie Ray but retains his own unique touch. The first third is acoustic, the second third is the John Mayer Trio and the final portion is full band. He breaks out into a slow blues in front of a crowd of thousands, most of whom would be unlikely to appreciate such music otherwise. Somehow he remains in the popular spotlight while still bringing great music to the masses, which rarely happens in that genre*.
Album Favorite: Slow Dancing In A Burning Room
*strongly opinionated statement with no defensible reason.

Honorable Mentions:
- Cake: Fashion Nugget
- Harry Gregson-Williams: Soundtrack to The Chronicles of Narnia
- Harry Gregson-Williams: Soundtrack to Spy Game
- Sigur Ros: Takk
- Iron and Wine / Calexico: In The Reigns EP
- The Beatles: Abbey Road


That's my List, what's yours?? Controversial and over opinionated comments welcome.

Reflections of a Narcissist

I imagine a scene of two virtuoso musicians. Both are pianists, and romantically inclined. The young and handsome one approaches the older and says "You know what people are saying right? That I am like you but friendlier, more personable, and less full of myself". The other says "Yes I know." The one says "Why is it that, with all you have been given, you're still an Ass Hole?" The older one replies "Because I can be, and I'd have it no other way".

I understand this. A feeling of superiority is the best worldly high available. Especially in America, where so much is judged by your individual success, your possessions. I realize I am a combination of two things: The kind of person who wants what they can't have, and the kind of person that always wants the next step up from what they got. In obtaining anything, I am immediately dissatisfied, take it for granted, and convince myself I deserve more. I then remain with nothing, yet feel as though I have everything.

You do of course recognize the irony in the title. A Narcissist can do nothing but reflect. He or she is forever engaged in themselves, focused inward. Any critiquing done comes from the inside first, passing through a distorting perspective on the world, and so misconstruing all judgement.

At the end of the day, there is nothing that can truly please a Narcissist. For someone who reaches their expectations will not be good enough for long, and someone who strokes their egos will then be obtained, and so become expendable. But at the end of the day, I must reply the same as the man above. As sad is it may be to know all of this in full, I'd have it no other way.

What brings me to post

Unfortunately, it is true every time I post, I am in a poor state of mind. Or at least usually. The last long while, I have been feeling pretty spectacular about life. Everything has looked pretty promising. However, tonight marks a failure. Tonight marks another time where I find myself in a place of total dissatisfaction. Why does this happen? Some people go their entire lives without this feeling. I suppose there is nothing to do but buck up and know tomorrow will be better.

I have told my friends the only way I could consistently keep up with a blog is if I wrote about the opposite sex. It constantly consumes my attention, and ever produces fresh material. It is almost always bad material, unfortunately. My failings are inevitably highlighted, and I return at the end of the day as I started, with nothing.

I hate to be specific. These situations are always so petty, and in retrospect are embarrassing. It is never the girl the hurt is for, but for my inability to obtain something I want. It's a small reminder in the back of my mind that I've failed again. The females themselves are not important. And the sad thing is, I haven't even failed in any concrete way. I always back out as soon as there's a sign of competition, or an indicator of defeat. I run for my life before it has been made official. What a foolish approach! I still am as I always have been: my own worst enemy.

While this post has been depressing no doubt to read, in it's composition my sadness has been absolved. My troubled mind has received a shot of Novocaine.


*** Midnight Update ***
All is well with said situation. She came back to say what's up, and we talked for a while. It was really great. In the end, I am a child craving attention. When will I get over it?

I am writing this just to get something out on a page. Damn this modern world for scattering my brains! I'm not even a sentence in, and I want to check my twitter. I've been meaning to write something for a while, but it's the content that alludes me. What to write about? I have so many disconnected thoughts throughout a typical day, but they are fleeting.

I heard a song, produced by a friend of mine, that got me to thinking. Another friend of mine sang it, and the song (albeit country) is incredibly moving. The instrumentation is perfect. I think about how much my life has been enriched by music, and how I have now chosen a path apart from that. It is distressing to think that will no longer be a significant part of my life.

What I'm saying is... although I swore upon graduating I would never do so... I wouldn't mind dating a musician. There is a part of that world still nested inside me. What if I start listening to Katy Perry, or getting into smooth jazz? Who is going to slap me in the face and say "Brent, that is garbage! Stop it!"

Also, what is up with airplane food?

I am so tired I may not finish this. But I am determined. A gateway into this avenue of my existence is too important to compromise for a few extra minutes of rest. Sleep is never content with what it gets anyway.

Who am I?

What is life?

What the hell?

These are questions I'll never be able to answer now (much less at the moment... I'm running on hops). But I care not for the answers. Life does not lie in the answers, nor in the questions. Life lies in self contentment. Or at least in my paradigm it does. Everything said by anyone should be appended with ATMP (According To My Paradigm). We are all limited by one, and should not bother trying to expand outside it. I will not try to do so, but only say that if you exist in my paradigm... get the HELL OUT!! It's not the best one around. The best one is probably that of Zach Braff. That jerk stole my life.

While skirting the profound, I have managed to stumble upon the amusing! And in the process have discovered my ineptitude to compose. Conclusively, it is perception that hampers me from reaching any manner of success in this area. As with all things Brent. So I must add another profundity to my philo-spouting: always assume you are capable of doing what you want. And for me, what I want is to write a capturing and grammatically correct blog post. As long as I do not use a preposition to end this sentence with.