Reflections of a Narcissist

I imagine a scene of two virtuoso musicians. Both are pianists, and romantically inclined. The young and handsome one approaches the older and says "You know what people are saying right? That I am like you but friendlier, more personable, and less full of myself". The other says "Yes I know." The one says "Why is it that, with all you have been given, you're still an Ass Hole?" The older one replies "Because I can be, and I'd have it no other way".

I understand this. A feeling of superiority is the best worldly high available. Especially in America, where so much is judged by your individual success, your possessions. I realize I am a combination of two things: The kind of person who wants what they can't have, and the kind of person that always wants the next step up from what they got. In obtaining anything, I am immediately dissatisfied, take it for granted, and convince myself I deserve more. I then remain with nothing, yet feel as though I have everything.

You do of course recognize the irony in the title. A Narcissist can do nothing but reflect. He or she is forever engaged in themselves, focused inward. Any critiquing done comes from the inside first, passing through a distorting perspective on the world, and so misconstruing all judgement.

At the end of the day, there is nothing that can truly please a Narcissist. For someone who reaches their expectations will not be good enough for long, and someone who strokes their egos will then be obtained, and so become expendable. But at the end of the day, I must reply the same as the man above. As sad is it may be to know all of this in full, I'd have it no other way.